| Puja |
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| March 06, 2009 at 02:18 PM |
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| #1 |
Hi ,
I saw an article about "duty of an Indian wife".Which was as below
Smritis, Dharamkoshas and Puranas have extensively written about wife`s duties. The wife must be obedient and submissive to the husband. She is to believe her husband to be her God. The wife shall not abandon her husband, even if he were blind, impotent, powerless, degenerate, lame or sick, as stated in the Sancta Likhita Smriti. A good-natured wife always worships her husband, as if he were a God; this was stated in the Manu V.154. The husband is considered as the lord of his wife and he is her God. Only by service to her husband can she hold on to a higher and noble position as stated in Ramayana Ayodhya Kanda, chapters 24, 26, 27. Manu Smriti in its fifth chapter, Vis`nu Dharmashastra 25, 22, Yagnavalkya I, 83-87, Mahabharata Anus`asana Parva 123 and Mahabharata Vanaparva 233.19.58 announce the conduct of righteous wives. Veda Vyasa Smriti II. In chapters 20,32, Madana Parijata, Vriddaharita XI.84, Smriti Chandrika Vyrahara Kanda and others well define at length on the duties of a wife. In Mahabharata Anus`asana Parva 126, there is a discussion between Sandili and Samna in the talk that was exchanged between Bhishma and Yudhishtra. Sandili asked how she attained the blissful abode. Sandili replied to Bhishma thus: "I reposed confidence in my husband. I did whatever my husband did. I never talked harshly to my husband at any time or on any occasion. I avoided for myself such foods and drinks that are disliked by my husband. I never adorned myself whenever he was away from the village. I served with care and attention, when he returned from his sojourn. I never talked standing on the threshold of my house. I used to get up from my bed early and do my duties. I worshipped the gods, the manes, Brahmins and parents in law. I discharged my family responsibilities. I performed my marital duties." The Hindu society, as a custom strictly teaches the wives obedience, performance of duty and spirit of adjustment. Women in Hindu households learn the above mannerisms at parental homes.
So naries what do you think on this ?????????
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| Snigdha Sahoo |
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| March 11, 2009 at 10:07 AM |
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| #2 |
time has changed. we can't blndly apply old values to modern life. i think the hindu outlook needs a change. a wife should be treated as an equal partner, not as a junior one. |
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| Nishi |
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| March 13, 2009 at 11:07 PM |
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| #3 |
I don't think anybody believes in these now a days. I am thinking this must be very old article. Where did you find it Puja? |
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| Saswati |
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| March 24, 2009 at 08:01 AM |
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| #4 |
I don't find anything wrong in the article. We shouldnt shy away from our basic duties...while at the same time applying the modern concepts to our life. |
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| Puja |
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| March 24, 2009 at 03:39 PM |
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| #5 |
Hei,
If u didn't find anything wrong in the article means you are ok with that.
Right?
If an women will do the duties mentioned in the article how she can apply modern concepts to her life?What modern concepts?If she will do all the things her husband do never disagree with her husband ,will not eat any food her husband doesn't like will worship in-lows no matter how much wrong they are then what left for her ?
Can you plz give some examples what modern concept she can apply in her life following all the things from this article and how ?
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| Puja |
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| March 24, 2009 at 03:44 PM |
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| #6 |
Even I am not sure what are our basic duties ?
To change our husband from a bad/unsocial person(If he is) to a good/social one or agree with all his ways and do the same thing?
To request our in-laws to see even from our point of view or to follow bliendly to them?
To think our husband as god or to think him as another part of your body/soul/heart and atlast life ?
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| Rupa |
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| July 09, 2009 at 12:01 PM |
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| #7 |
Our Religion and Culture is very rich and very comprehensive and based on the the real life experiences of learned men (AND WOMEN) for over 5000 years. But unfortunately we dont understand it today and because of the flexibility given in Hinduism a lot of "incorrect" interpretations have also been added over the years.
Another complexity is that there is a lot of "symbolism" embedded in our religion which leaves a lot to "interpretation".
What we can do is to start reading and understanding our scriptures specially from the knowledge that the real Gurus have interpreted in the last 300- 400 years.
Read and understand the Bhagvad Gita, Bhagvatam, Ramayan, Mahabharata.
There is so much that we can learn and apply. Dont get caught up in some article written by who knows who.
The bottomline is that we all have God in us as much as our husbands. Respect everyone equally and first of all respect yourself first.
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| Rupa |
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| July 09, 2009 at 01:53 PM |
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| #8 |
Further, in Mahabharata Krishna has himself said that the country where women are not respected will never progress. So in the land of Jagannatha if women are not respected and given their rightful equal place in the FAMILY AND society- Odissa cannot progress as much as it has the potential to.
Empowered women raise confident children and in 1 generation can change the picture of the society.
So friends feel empowered and do your bit to contribute to the progress of your family and country.
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| Sunetra |
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| #9 |
Hi,
I read the same article at http://www.indianetzone.com/27/conduct_married_couple.htm
The funny part about this article is that its title says "Marital duties of a couple" whereas only the duties and expectations of wife are mentioned. I am really keen to know the duties of a husband as per our age old sacred granthas. Anyway, I think its because of the teachings like these, our society has a lot of expectations from women. Just imagine the plight. She has to leave her own family where she has spent the most of her life and serve the family of her husband keeping no expectations in return just to be a good wife and good daughter in law?? These concepts were for our ancestors and cannot be applied in the present but very few people understand or should I say even try to understand this. However educated the family may be, they have atleast few of the said expectations from their wife\daughter-in-law. God knows when our hindu society will change.
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| Puja |
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| #10 |
Yes Sunetra.
I have seen not only educated family but even highly educated girls also think in the same way.
Don't know if they will follow the same thing or not after marriage but atleast they agree or expect most of the things from this article.And also they are mentaly prepared for this.
So sad.and this is not a problem only with us hindus but also with other society
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| smita |
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| #11 |
Yes Puja ,I completely agree with u.Me and my husband both are working in software and he usualy helps me in cooking .now a days my in-laws r with us so he is not helping me in cooking any more bcoz in his way of thinking his father mother won't like if he helps me cooking.In my way of thinking I don't think anything bad in this.bcoz this is not only my job its our job ..I don't know abt his father and mother they will like it or not..but I m very sad for my husband way of thinking after getting higher education also his thinking is like that only.... |
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| Puja |
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| #12 |
What?
The same thing happened also to me .
Me and my husband together prepare lunch every day and we have a cook who prepares dinner.
But when my in-lows came to our house my husband didn't help me.
He don't allow me to do even a littile more work and cares a lot if i get tired.But during those days he refused our cook to prepare dinner for us and told me to do the same.and me only was preparing whole breakfast(every day my father-in-law take idly and chutney as break fast and we people take some diffrent breakfast) ,preparing lunch for my in-laws ,and at night preparing dinner.also was doing all other houshe hold work.
I am also a software engineer and my office time is 11.30 to 8.30.
After comming to house at 9.30 pm I was preparing food.My mother-in-law even did not cut a vegitable.and she is not old.
Even there was problem in my foot and i was not able to stand or walk for a long time .But this time he didn't care even if the problem was clearly visible.
My mother-in -law even did not wash her cup after taking tea.
When I told to my husband he got angree and fought with me.
It was so unbeliavable.My home became a hell for me.
The result of all these thing is that now I don't belive to my husband any more and don't take seriously when he cares for me.I will never go to my in-laws house for a permanent staying and I lost all the respect I had for my mother-in-low
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| Nishi |
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| #13 |
So sorry to hear about that Puja. I guess all these things happen when the MIL is a homemaker and lived all her life serving her husband, kids and in-laws. So she is expecting the same from her bahu too not realizing that time has changed and her DIL is already doing extra work. It is very difficult to change their mentality and when they are there for some time only, no DIL will also want to create any disturbance in home by confronting them or forcing the husband to help. You said you already have a maid for cooking dinner. Why not ask her (or employ a new one) to prepare breakfast and lunch for some days (till the time your in-laws are there) by offering her some extra bucks. You say you are having problem dealing with everything on your own. If they can accept their DIL earning money, they sure shouldn't have any problem you spending some for your own benefits. In the long run, I believe this trend can be changed when the new generation (our generation) understands this and raise kids to respect all kinds of work and be ready to do everything as and when time demands. Having said all these, my homemaker MIL is no different. She has never let her boys do any work around the house and hence simply can't take it when another woman (her working DILs) make her boys help out sometimes. Well, it will take a lot to change her mentality. In the meanwhile I keep looking for alternatives and implementing them.  |
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| Puja |
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| #14 |
Hi,
This time my brother-in-low got addmited into hospital for 3 days.So my in-lows again came to stay with us.It will be for 3/4 months.
But this time I saw a diffrent thing for this 4 days.My mother in low is not so strict.some time she clean her plate and others (if they are).she is not telling me to do extra works.if she want then she is doing it her self.
My husband also telling them like she(me) is working all the time.No time for other thing .every day we have to go to office and in weekend have to cook,work all the day.No time for enjoyment.All the time you people are watching old movies so we are not getting chance to wach TV of our choice etc etc.
I told him not to tell these things to them as they will feel bad.But I am so happy for all these things.
my husband told our cook can prepare dinner.No need me to do that.We have kept one other maid for other household work.
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| Sonam |
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| #15 |
Ladies, Nobody really understands what our scriptures are and over the centuries the scriptures have been interpreted in a way that suits the needs. Please read the scriptures yourselves before drawing conclusions. All of us have God inside us- at the core we all are God. When our name/ our gender/ our age/ our education/ our status/ our worldly comforts etc are taken away - what remains is Atman. So everyone should treat everyone else like God- that is the bottomline. Read good books, see good TV programs like Ramdev baba/ Bramhakumari etc and keep up your positivity. Love your husbands and respect your in-laws. But have unwavering self confidence in yourself and respect yourself too. Dont allow anyone else to disrespect you. Life is too short and there are just too many beautiful things to waste our energy on such things. Take care of yourselves. |
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| Nishi |
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| Sept 02, 2009 at 10:59 PM |
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| #16 |
Hi Puja,
Feeling nice after reading your latest post about the changed attitude of your husband and in-laws! 
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| Puja |
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| Sept 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM |
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| #17 |
Thanks Nishi,
Yes I am also very much happy with this change.This time my husband is supporting me a lot.And also my mother in low is behaving nicely with me.
This time she is too nice.This sunday she is going back to Orissa and I am feeling some loss. I think I will miss her.
Thanks God
Puja
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| Sngharani |
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| #18 |
One should not take husband as husband always. One is husband at the time of need. Other times we can have many boyfriends and can enjoy life. This is modern time. Now also, like boys have many girl friends, we can also have many. What is the harm? This is ultra modern society. But, we can also file a police complaint if some man does not listen to us. 498-A is always there. We are Sita but not that eralier Mahasati Sita. Pacholi was also a Maha Sati with 5 husbands. Why can not we be called that even if we have 5?
Things to consider in modern era. Brainstorming is required.
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| Puja |
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| #19 |
Hi Sngharani
bahuta dukha lagila tuma message padhiki.au madhya mu 100% sure ki tume gote pua.kahinki na tuma language au word expression ru mu taha jani parili.
Sorry.haan ame sita kintu mahasati sita nuhe jie bina karana re agni parikhya ra samukhina heba au sesare mati re misijiba.ame aji ra sita.ama prati heuthiba anyaya ku ame pratirodh karibu.We are educated as well as mentally strong.
kintu haan na sabu pua nka bahuta gudae girl friends thaanti na sabu jhia nkara bahuta gudae boy friends ruhanti.
I.e the character of individuals.We can not blame the whole group for it.
My husband don't see to any other girl and same with all boys in my in-lows house.
You have to mature enough to understand girl's mentality and their feelings.
Puja
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| Oriya Nari Team |
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| #20 |
Yes. We also suspect that the message from"Sngharani" is posted by a man. The view expressed in the message is also not in good taste. So we have banned the user and his/her ip address from posting any further messages on this Message Board.
Oriya Nari Team
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| Puja |
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| #21 |
Thanks Oriya Nari Team,
Yes you did a very good job,you banned the user and ip address.But if it was from any cybercafe then no others can post from that server.
But I really appriciate your hard work to make this site so good.I have searched many sites in Net but no one even 1/10th of this site.
Always I was disappointed after seeing the messages and their content in those sites.But thanks got your site is so good also user friendly.
Thanks,
Puja
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