| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 06, 2009 at 09:40 PM |
|
| #1 |
Dear all Oriya Naris
I welcome all sorts of constructive suggessions for the below mentioned poem.The poem's heading is "Jatra"
Eita Jeevan....
Aau srustira khela
Aarmbh achhi jetebele
Aasiba bi samaptira bela.
Ei Laage..
Hoithila jatrara Aarambh
Kichhi khsyana tale..
Samay srotare aaji
Bhasichhi ghatanara asaranti bela.
Bastab aaji bartamana
Smrutire Aachhi
sedinara aabhula aatita
Aau sannikatare
Naba aatithira nutan bhabisya
Lisa MOhanty |
| |
| Nita |
|
| Sept 07, 2009 at 05:17 AM |
|
| #2 |
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Vary serious geetata hoichhi
Hmmmmmmm
|
| |
| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 08, 2009 at 04:38 PM |
|
| #3 |
Thanx Nita for your comment. Thanx again
Lisa
|
| |
| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 08, 2009 at 10:58 PM |
|
| #4 |
From A Mother To Her Son Believe in reality Not in dreams Feel the purity of snowy clouds And the music of streams Accept pain & pleasure As they are the essence of life Feel the sense of unity in nature Keep promises & make ambition high Share joys & hide all baseless things Behave friendly with fellow beings Enjoy the holiness of cooling breeze Try to solve all negative & make it ease Secure future doing positive in present Do all good with everyone as God’s agent. All sorts of constructive comments are welcome
Thanx to all
(Note: This poem is shifted by us from a new chain created by Lisa Mohanty. It is requested that the poets should not create a new chain for each new poem posted by them. All the poems by a single poet should be continued in a single chain only. Thank you. -Oriya Nari Team)
|
| |
| Nita |
|
| Sept 09, 2009 at 08:00 PM |
|
| #5 |
Hmmmmmmmmmm puni gotiye serious Kabitaa.
Wordings were good........
Be You Tea, BUT I just can't undersatnd why the poem is being titled "From A Mother to Her Son".
It can be to "Her Daughter" also or from "A Father" also.
I would suggest rather "A PIECE OF ADVISE" as title.
thx
Nita
|
| |
| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 10, 2009 at 08:33 PM |
|
| #6 |
Thanx Nita
Yeah your suggession is most welcome. The title could have been as you suuggested. But I had written this poem keeping my son in my mind.That's why the title is "From a mother to a son."
Any way thanx for your suggession. In future I expect same constructive comments from you.
Lisa
The mail id mentioned here is deleted. We don't encourage mention of mail ids on this Message Board. - ORIYA NARI TEAM
|
| |
| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 10, 2009 at 09:36 PM |
|
| #7 |
Tuma Apekshyare
Aau eka apekshyara parba
Thheek tume jiba pare
Smruti sabu saunti saunti
Mo dina sare
Khushi ullasha aaswasanare
Sabu katha bhabi sare
Tuma aasibara patha jagi base
Thheek tuma jiba panchama dina pare
Puni tume Apekshyare.........Puni tume Apekshyare
|
| |
| Nita |
|
| Sept 11, 2009 at 09:22 AM |
|
| #8 |
Khub Bhala Hoichhi
Kintu.........................
last line re "tume" badalare "Tuma" heba kathaa
Haan Jibaa Paancha dinare kahinki mane pade aagaru kuade jawki? Ha Ha Ha
Bhala hoichhi jeeeeeeee Aau tikiye kichhi lekhithile bhala hoithaanta.......
Hau mun Lekhi dauchhi
Puraa raati kam laage Paakhe tume basithile Sandhyaa bhi aaji kasta Laage Paakhe Tume Nathile
Pratham kichhidina Chaligaal Tuma smrutira bedanaare Baki kichhi dina sajeili nijaku Tuma aasiba swapnare
Aajibhi chahin rahichhi Tuma leutani rasataaku Swapnara muruja buni Sajeii rakhichhi mo hrudayaku
Apekhyara anta kebe
Munbhi jaanini
Kintu basirahichhi
Kebala Tuma Apekhyare
Kebala Tuma Apekhyare
Aau tuma uttara apekhyare Lisa
Thx n TC
Nita
|
| |
| Sasmita |
|
| Sept 11, 2009 at 10:42 AM |
|
| #9 |
Hi Nita,
bahuta bhala hoichi.khas kari a e part ta mote bahuta bhala lagila
Aajibhi chahin rahichhi Tuma leutani rasataaku Swapnara muruja buni Sajeii rakhichhi mo hrudayaku au haan jadi a e part ta ku tike badalai lekhithaanta bahuta bhala huanta Puraa raati kam laage Paakhe tume basithile Sandhyaa bhi aaji kasta Laage Paakhe Tume Nathile au Lisa bodhahue weekend ku jagi rahuchanti.karana se jaha ku jagi rahi chanti se hueta weekend re asanti tanka pakha ku.na kana Lisa ?tuma lekha bi bahuta bhala lagila.heart ru baharila pari lagila. Keep it up  Sasmita |
| |
| Lisa MOhanty |
|
| Sept 13, 2009 at 01:23 PM |
|
| #10 |
HI NIta/Sasmita
Both of yours comments are really good.And Nita, you seem to be a good poet.Your poem says so.Actually Tuma Apekshyare poem ta mun Berhampur re thilabele lekhithili.Setebele mora hubby Bhubaneswar re service karuthile and mun more in laws mananak sangare berhampur re thili.Because Bhubaneswarare ghar theek hoi nathila, tenu mo hubby every friday re asuthile and suinday evening re feruthile.Tenu panchama dinaku apekhsya kari rahuthili. And this line is phantastic.
Puraa raati kam laage Paakhe tume basithile Sandhyaa bhi aaji kasta Laage Paakhe Tume Nathile Keep it up. More comments apekshyare |
| |
| Lisa MOhanty |
|
| Sept 13, 2009 at 01:30 PM |
|
| #11 |
E eka nua jeebanara aarambh
Kichhi nua Anubhuti
Aau pratisrutire ethi
Nua mora aakuha kahani
Tume ethi nahan
Nahin madhya hazai khojiba aau
Khoji paibara luchakali khela aba
Bhangaruja pratisrutira rugna abastiti
Anusruta kintu prati khyanare
Smruti sabu bigata dinara
|
| |
| lisa |
|
| Sept 14, 2009 at 10:35 AM |
|
| #12 |
MY DEAR
Its the care ..
that you share
it makes me think
since it is rare.
Its the sign..
for which i wait
its the smile
that, says my life and fate.
Its the face ..
which makes me smile
its the voice
that says"its my style".
its the sight..
where i feel comfort
its the heart
which gives me support.
Its the race..
where i never feel alone
its the place
where i always get fun.
Its the sound..
which i want to hear, that..
My dear "you are mine"
and "I am yours ever".
Its my dream
which i made real
its my heart, wants to say so..
"dear PAUL "
Its all those from the day-
when we met
its the love
that i have ever gate till date.
Hoping and waiting for more and more suggestions from each and every one and specially from Nita Mam.
LISA
|
| |
| Lisa Mohanty |
|
| Sept 14, 2009 at 03:43 PM |
|
| #13 |
The last line of the poem may please be read as
that I have ever got till date.
|
| |
| lisa mohanty |
|
|
| #14 |
THEEK AAJI PARI
Jibanara sesa sandhyare bi thibi tuma apekhyare theek aaji pari….
Kahi ta nathibi kichi kintu, apekhyare thibi mun nischaya anithiba tume kichi boli… theek aji pari…..
Aji sina kahucha office ra katha sedina ka’na kahuthiba , Ta’ta janini kintu… cha pibara maja neuthibi tuma saha theek aji pari….
Ta pare plan aau programme Sandhyare keun ade jiba.. Bhabi mun paruni ka’na heba….. sedina Kintu,.. Gaadi, ghoda na hele bi Bulu thiba aame duhen chali chali Theek aji pari …. Mo jibanara sesa sandhyare.
|
| |
| Nita |
|
|
| #15 |
Bahut bhala hoichhi jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sabubele sesa katha kahinki chinta karuchhanti Lisa Maam.
Kebe aaji katha chinta karantu.........
Prathama premara prathma anubhuti ku mane pakantu..............
Chhadantu se katha ..............
Bahut latere reply kali boli dukhita..................
Geeta ta kintu mana chuaaaaaan hoichhii.
Mora jadi kehi premika thante mun nishinta tanku ehi geeta sunei impress karibaku chesta karithanti.
Bahut bhala hoichhi.
-Regards
NITA.
|
| |
| lisa mohanty |
|
|
| #16 |
Dear Nita Mam,
Thanks a lot for your suggestion. I will try my best to follow it. I felt very happy as i got a suggestion. because "Thik aji pari " poem purbaru last dueta poem pain mote kichhi comment milinathila (either good/bad). So thanks a lot again.
Lisa Mohanty
|
| |
